Tribe of Los Angeles

Keeping Secrets II

By Hank Gross

Last week I was inspired by Rebecca's sermon theme for the first part
of Matthew 6, of "Keeping Secrets", and given that two weeks ago we
only covered Matthew 5:33-47 in a more general way, I came up with
this idea for tying the Matthew 5 verses together with last week's
verses of Matthew 6:1-6,14-21…

Keeping Secret Vows: Mt.5:33-37 vs. Mt.6:1-6, 16-18

In Matthew 5:33-37, Jesus warns His hearers against casually or
presumptively making vows, either to God or to others, by any aspect
of God's creation or Kingdom. Not only does it set a poor example to
make a public commitment before God (or a private commitment to God
that is made known to some), which one then does not follow through
with, but also such often dramatic vows do little more than just draw
undue attention to one's self, thereby actually diminishing the focus
upon God and so teaching an effectual idolatry of the self.

Conversely, in Matthew 6:1-6 and 6:16-18, Jesus exhorts a form of
secret devotional communication with, and offering to, God, which, by
replacing public vows, has the effect of removing the problem of the
poor example of failed commitments of this type, diminishing the
drawing of undue attention to one's self, and fostering more intimate
conversation between oneself and God.

Keeping Secret Accounts: Mt.5:38-42 vs. Mt.6:14-15

In Matthew 5:38-42, Jesus encourages setting an example of
relinquishment of rights, as befits a spirit of giving, love and
forgiveness. However, while the performer of such relinquishment can
experience an internal attitude which parallels such actions, at other
times the performer can remain internally, secretly resentful,
unforgiving or desirous of compensation, even while his or her
external actions appear otherwise.

This is what then makes Matthew 6:14-15 so important, for it
effectually addresses the problem of internal unforgiveness, and by
implication, all similar ungenerous and unloving attitudes, by Jesus'
creating linkage between our inner attitudes and God's dealings with
us. In essence, Jesus is calling us to clear any secret accounts we
might have in our hearts towards others, thereby also keeping our
relationship clearer with God.

Keeping Secret Aims: Mt.5:43-47 vs. Mt.6:19-21

In Matthew 5:43-47, Jesus in effect advises against a priority that
sees little or no advantage to us in helping those whom we don't feel
have our best interests in mind, as being contrary to the example we
should model. But even if one does appear to act lovingly towards
"enemies", this often doesn't actually reflect what is secretly one's
heart attitude about dealing with such persons.

Thus, we also have Jesus' words in Matthew 6:19-21, whereby we are
implicitly challenged to not even have as a priority the seeking of
that which will gain us advantage in the self-oriented ways of the
world, but rather to seek after the priorities of "heaven", i.e., the
priorities of love, of non-judgmentalism, and of Jesus' own example,
thus creating greater congruence between our public and "secret" selves.

My confession to you

At the request of our pastor, the Reverend Rebecca, I, Annette, am posting a confessional prayer spoken to our community back a couple of months ago. Please know that the first stanza in English is borrowed from Saul Williams. Having just heard him speak his verse I was inspired to dig into some of my own and share from that depth, using some of his as a complement to my own. Art inspires art, the touch of creation reverberates:

Me siento como si estoy perdiendo mi sentido de oír
aunque sirve mis orejas y escucho todo lo que tienes que decir
pero de oír, de oír los susurros de mi amor,
mi señor quien habla en voces tan misteriosos
que para oírlos pienso que oigo voces locuras
pero trato de oír, sigo buscando a mi querido

Most beloved,
I am certain of nothing more than your existence
a thousand ants crawling under a log may find themselves exposed
in my childlike search for you
I have spent lifetimes in monasteries and drum stretched villages
in expectation of this: our ecstatic dance
my friends laugh at me behind my back
they say that you have changed me and I am
I am like a survivor of the flood walking through the streets
drenched with God
surprised that all of the drowned victims are still walking and talking
maybe there’s hope
I rush to each victim’s side sucking what I can of you out of your various incarnations
pumping their stomachs and filling them
to touch them is to touch you
to kiss them is to kiss you

se que el reflejo que veo no es tuyo sino su creación
For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror;
then we shall see face to face.
Now I know in part;
then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

Faint. A shadow of an echo of your voice,
the briefest flicker of a glimpse,
is enough to keep me looking
even though I feel I’ve forgotten;
maintaining my fear of loss of listening
because
I have followed no prayer discipline. I end up feeling discontent, quilt, peace, hypocrisy, ache, grace; emotional experiences. I experience God’s presence when I pray and it breaks my heart for wanting. Wanting our world to be humane, wanting his glory to be OBVIOUS, wanting to love and be loved, wanting to never have to leave his presence. and so I find it easier not to pray because then I can be numb—at least for awhile. But then the cold lumpy bed of apathy threatens to strangle me in its covers and I cry out as if from a nightmare only to reawaken the depth of feeling that can never be broken through. This amazing man hangs beside me and says “Today you will be with me in paradise” as we die together. He passes before me and the skies weep, the earth trembles. My body cannot cry. All I can do is pray. I have followed no prayer discipline because I don’t want to feel this pain.
I have followed no prayer discipline. I do not want hear the Spirit tell me to shut up. I want to scream out loud and throw a fit. I want to make it known that I’m disgusted; angry for wanting to be touched. I want to close my eyes and open my body for pleasure consumption. I don’t want the responsibility of love. I don’t want to feel badgered to step up. I move for no one but me when I want to because I can. I speak encouragement and smile mischief on those who support me in my evil scheme to dominate my own being. I am who I am. Created as such, how can I be expected to be any different? I have followed no prayer discipline because I will not do what you expect; nothing to please you. I do not want the responsibility of serving you, especially when I feel such indefinable revulsion; annoyance, impending pain like an aura before a migraine.
My throat burns from screaming; eyes itchy, dry, cakey
hair sprung like Medusa; breath offensive even in its wheezy shallowness.
This amazing man is hanging beside me, dead.
I spat on him with my dying breath, rank words of mockery.
He promised paradise to the evil bastard opposite.
I wish it were me.

I stopped listening and thus I fear the loss.
But aloud I’ll tell you: I am that you are.
Your blood has long since seeped into my pores penetrating to the marrow of my core.
Where can I go that you aren’t?
No height or depth, no angels or demons, no strength or weakness,
no maliciousness or passivity or passion can separate me.
I am drenched with your grace, can’t hide from your face,
dim though it may be.
I am not my own.
I resent having to care. I confess that.
and I love you. I confess that.

Faint. A shadow of an echo of your voice,
the briefest flicker of a glimpse is enough.
It has to be

o señor, abre mis labios para que mi voz proclamara tu alabanza
para que en su nombre, en la proclamación del Todopoderoso
yo puedo oír su voz cantando conmigo;
a tus pies bailando con los míos

To Lord's Prayer or not to Lord's Prayer?

or: To liturgy or not to liturgy?

A discussion going on on the email list right now centers around whether (or why) we should pray the Lord's Prayer every week.  Last week, we used a special benediction, and neglected to say the Lord's Prayer; some disliked that change, and others appreciated the break from the repetition.

I think this is part of a much larger question, particularly among emerging congregations, as to what role the liturgy should play in the life of the church ("liturgy" being understood in the narrower sense of repetition of words, customs, etc. understood to have special meaning, rather than in the broader sense of that which the church does in worship).  There are some who stand with mainstream evangelicalism in seeing liturgy as a barrier between the person and God, the repetition as standing in the way of the experience or becoming rote and meaningless; others stand with our Orthodox, Roman Catholic, and high-church Protestant brethren and sistren (...?) in seeing the repetition and regularity as ways to more deeply experience God.

I personally lean towards the high-church camp as opposed to the low-church camp, and I could get into the theology of that, but I don't want to abuse the bully pulpit - so I'm opening this discussion.  What role should liturgy play in Tribe - and what is the role of Christian charity in our respecting one another's unique ways of encountering God both inside and outside of the congregational worship service?  How can we do liturgy without it becoming rote and repetitive - or is the very repetitiveness of the liturgy one of its values?  Is there a way we as Tribe can both participate in the liturgical legacy of the 2,000 year old church and do it in our own idiomatic way?  Is that even desirable?

Let's talk.

--5

Turning Points

I just sent this email to about 3 dozen Sony employees around the world shortly after emptying my last thing from my office:

"Everybody: I always said over the long arc of my time at the company, "The day I leave Sony, will be the day that Anna Nicole Smith wins a case at the Supreme Court!"  I must be more careful with such language in the future.

So, after 14 years, I am moving on and wanted to send off my well wishes and thanks. 

 

It has been a great run.  I've deeply appreciated the working relationships, the mentors I've had here, and the deep friendships -- on both sides of the ocean -- that have been an intrinsic part of my time here at Sony.  It has been an honor and a pleasure.  

Thanks and best wishes to you all..."

Frederick Buecher wrote that when you look at your life, the things you think are the really big turning points -- the ones you really worry over -- rarely really are. And the minor decisions you thought almost nothing of at the time, turn out often to be the true points where the direction of your life changes.

Who knows which one this is, it feels big, but who knows. The main point I guess is to trust God for both the "big" and "small" decisions and trust that in the end He knows a lot better about these things than we do either way.

Tim

Gospel of Judas Discussion

A discussion has been going on over the Tribe email list about the Gospel of Judas; let's continue the discussion here.  Does the Gospel of Judas represent another important perspective on the life and death of Christ, or is it just another apocryphal gnostic Gospel like the Coptic Gospel of Thomas or the Gospel of Mary?  What do Gnosticism, "gnosis," and more general discussions of mysticism mean in the ancient understanding, and do those understandings have any relevance to today's discussions?

This is all interesting stuff; if any Tribesfolk know any other knowledgeable people who would be interested in enlightening us by commenting on this discussion, please direct them here.  That's the fun of blogs - that we not only have this discussion within our community, but we can also bring in outside voices to add their insights to ours.

As I get permission to add the original discussion, I'll be adding the original thread as comments to this post as well, with attribution to the original authors.

-5

Emergency Rooms and Easter Week

OK.

I spent last weekend --  a mere 9 days after my 39th birthday -- in the UCLA cardiac emergency center.

Before I go any further, I should say that I'm fine. But at the time I felt three of the five symptoms of a heart attack: tightness in my left chest, shortness of breath and nausea. A bad trifecta of symptoms -- especially with my family history of a grandfather and a myriad of uncles having died of heart attacks.

After feeling these three in combo, I was ready to go. No additional motivation needed...Laura drove me to the emergency room -- which in retrospect was the one dumb move I made...not just dialing 911 mostly out of a sense of pride that I wasn't "that bad" off.

Once there they moved me into the emergency cardiac ward, checked out my blood pressure (which was pretty high, but that is not uncommon during emergency room experiences) EKG, chest X-rays, the whole 9 yards. Nothing definite, but from the first it did not appear to be heart failure...at he first X-ray would show an odd smudge on my heart. They'd need to take another.

To my direct left was a poor older woman who was both a stage 3 chemo patient, and  DEFINITELY suffering a major heart attack. To my right was a motorcycle accident victim, who seemed to drift in an out of consciousness, and had many tubes in his mouth and face keeping him breathing.

After midnight I sent Laura home. She was so tired and brave and scared for me. By 2 AM that morning they decided to move me into a semi private room, that still had nurses watching nearly every minute. I was woke up every hour for a blood test, a EKG, or a blood pressure test.

I shared the room with Carlos who is a 17 year old who was recovering from being shot four times in a gang drive by shooting in Inglewood. Amazingly for him none of the bullets most of which went through his body hit any vital organ critically.

That next morning we shared a TV, I let him choose the TV -- which everything he choose had guns and people being shot: Aliens, Dirty Harry, Platoon. None of those viewing choices really helped my nausea, but I figured the dude had just gone through enough, and I just zoned out from things and tried to sleep.

Shortly I was carted down to take the second X-ray. Before I left I wished Carlos good luck on top of the luck he had already seen.  It went quickly --although I still felt light headed a bit even then -- and soon was back resting, as Carlos' parents came to take him home.

Alone for the first time during this whole ordeal: as I just rested, practiced slow breathing, and watched it as the monitor showed the calmer heart rate. I figured the second X ray results would be a few hours away at the soonest. Try to rest. Tried not to worry.

I tried some of the meditation and prayer techniques we did in Tribe: "Breath in Jesus, breath out fear."

At that point something that was a sheer act of grace occurred: a volunteer brought a dog in. The dog's name was Lucy, a rescue Mutt, that was the gentlest and kindest animal.

There were many others like her in the center she said, with other friendly dogs, just visiting sick folks, giving them a dog to pet. After putting a sheet up on the bed, Lucy curled up near my feet. I petted her, and remembered my old family dog. After a long while, I was feeling really tired again and I wished them well and thanked them for such a kind visit.

Not long afterwards the second X-ray results came back fine and they said they would be releasing me to go home. Yesterday I took an EKG/treadmill stress test, that pretty much excluded ANY chance that what I was dealing with was heart related. Could be stress over leaving my work after 14 years, could be a pinched nerve which I may have had -- and does account for each of the symptoms I faced. Everyone all along the line said what a good decision I made to go in, and that for most people the first signs are ignored to their peril.

I'd been to emergency rooms and hospitals before. I was aware of the crisis and pain there, but I hadn't ever been there as a patient.

I slowly got back to normalcy this week, and resurfaced to see Easter this weekend.

It is impossible for me not to think of my wounded roommate, the poor cancer stricken heart patient, or the motorcyclist and think about how fragile a thing it is to be human. How when Jesus became one of us, pitched his tent with us, really experienced what it means to be human, including the suffering and pain and worry and crisis of it...what an amazing act that was.

I also think of the friendly volunteer and her calm happy doggie Lucy. What a gracious, Christ-like act that was.  "I was sick and you visited me."

And lastly how great it was to be home that night to see Cammy and Laura again, and to rest and be well.

Somehow those images seem like hyper-real icons of Easter to me this week. The pain, the grace and the homecoming of it all.

quote of the day

"(T)he resurrection stories in the four Gospels aren't about going to heaven when you die. In fact, there is almost nothing about "going to heaven when you die" in the whole New Testament. Being "citizens of heaven" (Philippians 3.20) doesn't mean you're supposed to end up there. Many of the Philippians were Roman citizens, but Rome didn't want them back when they retired. Their job was to bring Roman culture to Philippi.

That's the point which all the Gospels actually make, in their own ways. Jesus is risen, therefore God's new world has begun. Jesus is risen, therefore Israel and the world have been redeemed. Jesus is risen, therefore his followers have a new job to do.

And what is that new job? To bring the life of heaven to birth in actual, physical, earthly reality…Jesus' resurrection is the beginning of God's new project, not to snatch people away from earth to heaven, but to colonize earth with the life of heaven...With Easter, God's new creation is launched upon a surprised world, pointing ahead to the renewal, the redemption, the rebirth of the entire creation."

N.T. Wright

Seeing in Part

Everyone: I'm out this weekend recovering from eye surgery (lasik) that I had this Friday...
Both eyes. All went well, no real pain, and it corrects a pretty bad astigmatism I've had forever.

Happy to say as of yesterday that vision returned enough to read from a computer, and for distance reading I'm at 20/20...(up close is still blurry, and will be till the corneas heal a bit more)...
And especially at night, lights have a particularly angelic halos around them. The 405 becomes particularly glowing and holy looking for a change. The park around from my house seems alive with glowing luminous holy streetlamps.

One smallish note learned from this experience:

I've never been more aware of my eyes as less than perfect "cameras" than when my eye surgeon changes the focus on them manually, without the help from my brain. Any illusion I held before yesterday that that my vision of the world through my eyes were some type of "magic windows" that directly see reality was shattered.

In fact, during the surgery my eyes could "see" my eye's view of the world being distorted and altered like looking through the surface of a pond being rippled. And now, they are routinely and very actually "seeing" things (halos) that aren't there technically.

Much of enlightenment thinking (that the Church has accepted, goes more or less uncritically) goes along with the idea that our perception of Reality is about as direct and perfect as I unconsciously believed my eyes were before. The enlightenment more or less eschewed the idea that as humans we were stuck with an imperfect, human, finite view of the world. Both culture and Church moved away from the  more Job-like humble stance that we are creatures and our view and knowledge of both Creation and it's Creator comes with a creaturely POV rife with limitations.

Paul's words never claimed the kind of "objectively absolute knowledge" that only God has. In contrast he said: "Now we see in part, we prophesy in part...like looking through a glass darkly."

Now that my vision is literally like looking through slightly blurry glass (but getting better daily) I get the bigger meaning of the metaphor a lot better too.

Tim

Atonement part III

So "atonement" as a word itself came from the middle english contraction of the words "At + One."

Literaly it means "at-one-ment..."

With that perspective, it seems far less legal, and far more about the point of reunion and rejoining and intimacy....

http://www.bartleby.com/61/45/A0504500.html

Understanding Our Rescue Part II

Tim again:

I'm still thinking about atonement theories....I'm pretty certain this is going to be a series...

I found good stuff from C. S. Lewis on his own view of Atonement Theory, which like Frederica, was not what evangelicals often have -- the "penal substitution" theory of how Jesus died as a substitution for my debts to save me from justly wrathful God. Lewis didn't propose the "ransom theory" but rather what is called the "perfect penitent" theory... Like Frederica, he rejects the theory that Jesus saves us from God's "punishment in the police-court sense."

And like her, he describes Jesus rescue as a rescue, but with a different emphasis as he explains in Mere Christianity. He starts with a common sense statement that all atonement theory is completely secondary to our understanding of salvation:

"We are told that Christ was killed for us, that His death has washed out our sins, and that by dying He disabled death itself. That is the formula. That is Christianity. That is what has to be believed.

Any theories we build up as to how Christ's death did all this are, in my view, quite secondary: mere plans or diagrams to be left alone if they do not help us, and, even if they do help us, not to be confused with the thing itself."

Then he dives into his own view that has been called "The Perfect Penitent" Theory:

"All the same, some of these theories are worth looking at. The one most people have heard is the one about our being let off because Christ volunteered to bear a punishment instead of us. Now on the face of it that is a very silly theory. If God was prepared to let us off, why on earth did He not do so? And what possible point could there be in punishing an innocent person instead? None at all that I can see, if you are thinking of punishment in the police-court sense.

On the other hand, if you think of a debt, there is plenty of point in a person who has some assets paying it on behalf of someone who has not. Or if you take "paying the penalty," not in the sense of being punished, but in the more general sense of "footing the bill," then, of course, it is a matter of common experience that, when one person has got himself into a hole, the trouble of getting him out usually falls on a kind friend.

Now what was the sort of "hole" man had gotten himself into? He had tried to set up on his own, to behave as if he belonged to himself. In other words, fallen man is not simply an imperfect creature who needs improvement: he is a rebel who must lay down his arms. Laying down your arms, surrendering, saying you are sorry, realizing that you have been on the wrong track and getting ready to start life over again from the ground floor - that is the only way out of a "hole." This process of surrender - this movement full speed astern - is what Christians call repentance.

Now repentance is no fun at all. It is something much harder than merely eating humble pie. It means unlearning all the self-conceit and self-will that we have been training ourselves into for thousands of years. It means undergoing a kind of death. In fact, it needs a good man to repent. And here's the catch. Only a bad person needs to repent: only a good person can repent perfectly.

The worse you are the more you need it and the less you can do it. The only person who could do it perfectly would be a perfect person - and he would not need it. Remember, this repentance, this willing submission to humiliation and a kind of death, is not something God demands of you before He will take you back and which He could let you off of if He chose: it is simply a description of what going back to Him is like. If you ask God to take you back without it, you are really asking Him to let you go back without going back. It cannot happen. Very well, then, we must go through with it.

But the same badness which makes us need it, makes us unable to do it. Can we do it if God helps us? Yes, but what do we mean when we talk of God helping us? We mean God putting into us a bit of Himself, so to speak. He lends us a little of His reasoning powers and that is how we think: He puts a little of His love into us and that is how we love one another.

When you teach a child writing, you hold its hand while it forms the letters: that is, it forms the letters because you are forming them. We love and reason because God loves and reasons and holds our hand while we do it. Now if we had not fallen, that would all be plain sailing. But unfortunately we now need God's help in order to do something which God, in His own nature, never does at all - to surrender, to suffer, to submit, to die.

Nothing in God's nature corresponds to this process at all. So that the one road for which we now need God's leadership most of all is a road God, in His own nature, has never walked. God can share only what He has: this thing, in His own nature, He has not.

But supposing God became a man - suppose our human nature which can suffer and die was amalgamated with God's nature in one person - then that person could help us. He could surrender His will, and suffer and die, because He was man; and He could do it perfectly because He was God.

You and I can go through this process only if God does it in us; but God can do it only if He becomes man. Our attempts at this dying will succeed only if we men share in God's dying, just as our thinking can succeed only because it is a drop out of the ocean of His intelligence: but we cannot share God's dying unless God dies; and he cannot die except by being a man. That is the sense in which He pays our debt, and suffers for us what He Himself need not suffer at all."